JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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