After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize