would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
