Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
