Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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