she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
