I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
