Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Randomize
