***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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