I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
