I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
