Soap is not a condiment
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
