he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
and she was petting her beer can
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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