You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
