Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
COCAINE IS GR8
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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