Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
