he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
