worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
