it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize