I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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