Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize