you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
