She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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