if only i could text you this smell
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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