At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
