dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize