Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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