Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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