My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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