Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I need a beard to bite.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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