They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
