i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
