Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
