you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
