Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
