is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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