yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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