I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
