Yo dont text me then not text me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
