:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
