i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
