i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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