If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
