Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
