I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
