She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
