eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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