I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This house was built for laser tag.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
