Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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