ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
false alarm. still invincible.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
