Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
