I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
