Taylor Swift is so right about you.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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