I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
