My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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