I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
