and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
