So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
