I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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