I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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