He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
