but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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