i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
