I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
