can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
