nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
