Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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