Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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