I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
