If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
operation harelip BJ is a go
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
