It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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