He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
