dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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