MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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