oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My dick has a subreddit
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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