Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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