How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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