Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize