the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
